Wow. Where has the time gone?
I have put some thought into starting back on the blog. I really have wanted to be blogging over the past several months, but time and energy and a pregnancy have gotten most of my attention. So, I hope to be more faithful in recording our life story. After all, I want Ella to look back on the joyous life we have created for her. And, of course, her baby brother will see the fun he had with Big Sis.
Before getting back to life, I want to share a story about past times. I would love to give the full story, but I think I will make it as short and sweet as possible... for my sake.
Today is October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I have so much to remember.
Last week was 5 years ago that we lost our first little love. Hard to believe it has really been five years.
Back in 2000, I had my first emergency surgery removing my left ovary and part of my right one. I won't go into details about cysts and blood and other bodily issues, but it was tough to handle physically and emotionally. Waking up to the news that my left ovary was completely infected and my right was partially dead, and had to be removed, was so bizarre. I had been seeing an OB for years and had never been told my uterus was covered in cysts, small and large. My doctor, which I believe we met because of fate, said he removed most of the problem, however, he diagnosed with me with Severe Endometrosis. I had heard of this before because my Grandmother had the same problem. Hereditary, yes. He then continued to see me year after year, and more than once a year.
I constantly lived with pain, stress, and depression.
Year after year, I had some form of issue that caused hospitalization. Whether it was laprascopy because of so much scar tissue, removing cysts and draining blood, removing gall bladder, removing appendix(the last two were not due to the endometrosis, but because mine were in bad shape).. and so on, to cause 17 total scars.
December 12, 2006 was a rough one and I remember it well. It was my last surgery.
We decided it would be best for me to go on Lupron injections since every type of birth control, which I took to attempt to reduce the menstrual pain, never worked. Lupron is menopause in a shot. Yuck. Let me just go on the record saying that one day when I go through menopause again, for real, it will be just as bad as the first time, I am sure of it. I can't believe at the age of 26, I was like that of a 56 years old. Night sweats are real.
So, January through June, I saw my doctor every month to get my little bit of craziness.
Aaron and I married in July. I told him he was marrying an old lady. We had a fantastic wedding and perfect honeymoon. We must have had a perfect honeymoon because I got pregnant. :)
It was a difficulty pregnancy and at 12 weeks, I lost the baby. I will never begin to be able to describe how I felt learning that my baby had problems and would not make it...... Let's move along...
On January 4, 2008, a miracle happened. I got pregnant again. I had Ella at 37 weeks on September 23rd, and was the happiest mommy in the world. My pregnancy with Ella was a tough one. I was beyond sick the entire time. My final weight gain(or loss) was a negative 1. Labor and delivery was so much easier than everyone had ever explained to me. The whole pushing for hours and days or whatever, blah, blah, blah, this was not my situation. I said I deserve a simple delivery after vomiting for 8 months. And thank you God for it.
Ella is so wonderful. She was born healthy and has not been a sick child at all. I know our time is coming when she starts pre-K next year that the germs will get to us, but I hope it moves along quickly.
Our lives have been nothing but joyous because of our little Ella-bella. The bouncing curls, the love to dance, and her serious passion of being a born leader have filled these first four years.
We were totally set with our one baby girl. Little did we know that I could and would get pregnant again. I found out I was pregnant and was scared and cried a lot. The nervousness made me a little crazy. I look back on it now and just know I was afraid of rejection again. All thanks to God that he gave us Caleb on August 6th, the day before Aaron's birthday. Again, a 37 week baby and a very rough pregnancy. However, this time I gained more than I would like to admit. I'm not sure how that happened after hugging the toilet so, so much.
On the morning of August 6th, at 2:45 am, my water broke. I had been up and down all night, as the same of every other night, because of the pain in my leg from the pressure on my sciatic nerve. I woke Aaron up and told him it was the day. We got up and I took a shower and shaved my legs while Aaron called our moms and I called Heather. They all warned me to not wait too long becasue Caleb would come much quicker than Ella and my tolerance to pain was so high that I could actually be further along in labor than I thought. So, after my lengthy shower and detailed cleaning, going through our bags again to make sure everything was packed, getting Ella off to my mom's house, and watching Aaron pace, we were ready to go. We arrived at the hospital and were checked in a few minutes before 6:00 am. Secretly, I would have stayed in the bed a little longer if it was up to me.
Caleb arrived at 11:40 am. I could have delivered a lot earlier if they would have just given me a Coke as requested and if Dr. Blake wasn't so busy. I mean, what is up with telling me to not push? I didn't mind who delieverd as long as someone was down there to catch the boy. Feeling those contrations could have been over long before.
But, I will say that I loved feeling the process of delivery and next time, I want to give birth at home. :) Yeah, right... next time.... I'm not a young mommy....
Be thankful I left out years worth of details, whew... that brought bittersweet tears to my eyes.
I know God is real. I see him every day when I look at my babies.
Until next time,
Kellie
